$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
