when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize