Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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