Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
