moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
