so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
