I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize