dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize