Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
