this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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