Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
