dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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