I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
