everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
