there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
