I'm gonna have a badass scar
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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