My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
