you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
