I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
