totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
