Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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