halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he fucked my hip out of place.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize