PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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