so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
