Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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