the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
