you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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