I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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