I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
