i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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