i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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