We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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