Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
True college students do jello shots in the library
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
