i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's never too late to be topless.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
