I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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