i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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