i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
