Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
