I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
