We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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