You work out of a Hotel?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
