he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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