She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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