i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
