K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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