Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
