im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
