I CAN MOONWALK!
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He passed out mid-signature
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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