pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
