Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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