Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
