She's JV to your varsity
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
