nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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