i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
