woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
