its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
