No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Randomize