Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
