People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
