Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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