you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
