how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize