I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
tell me about the fingering
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
