i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
